This sounds like sour grapes to me. armed with a cease and desist order against the county from a federal court he planned against the wish's of the good old boys in the county to leave for the millennial celebrations in Germany after 19 years I had hoped for forgiving and understanding but when two deputies showed up to hold him without charges until Christmas morning and get him to work till then out of the jail. MOMS ONLY. Her Graduation. Even when there is no chaos to engineer, they can still use the holidays to manufacture emotions and they do benefit from the emotions of others. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. His father was always yelling just because he was not getting his way with over 30 years why did he have to hurt everyone. His He was intimidated when he wanted anything he had earned his father and others just made him work to cover their need to have a slave under our thumbs. I agree with Windy. WTF? I had set up the B and B four hours to the north as the hoped for replacement that he was being given by the company adding 2 paid weeks on to the two months he had not used a day of, I found a German sex shop and bought some very sexy things to wear on that two weeks and had the hope after that since he had so much money in the bank and the doubling of the pay he earned since he was hitting everyone over the head with grievances over having to work the holiday. My ex did too, and my dad also kind of acts like this. He had worked for the city and was cut back, then ran for city council and went to work in the plant. At that point I'm ready to just go back to the hotel and go back to sleep, but he whines and begs and guilts me into continuing to go with them. And your spouse might just learn how You may have gone no-contact with the narcissist in your life. WebWhy do you have to ruin everything? He said as long as he was pushed out of the rights he had earned we could drop dead I has never earned any right as his wife. Reminder to commenters: No. Protect your (actual) holiday. Make a strategy before you go shopping or before you begin putting items in your traveling baggage. I snap and lay out for him exactly how the morning's gone: attitude during breakfast, attitude when I request we stop for coffee, attitude when I ask if I can lay down for a little while, just attitude with me every time I open my mouth. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Good on you, John. The next week I was going with my husbands parents and his fathers best friend to a community awards dinner When the mental health sent him home by insurance taxi, With his mother and sister we planed a dinner the next weekend. Move on and find someone else. Oh God, it's up the back of your pajamas. Their histories sometimes are not truethey make up entire personas of things that didnt happen to them, or exaggerate or project their own behavior onto others in their past and then use those events on those with whom they interact with currently in order to get away with their new behaviors. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Thats when I snap at him to please stop giving me things to do on my vacation day and to let me just enjoy myself for a day. I realized that people who are otherwise wonderful do this, and accidentally ruin their relationships with people who want to love them, but eventually stop subjecting themselves to that persons invalidating bullshit. The people around me weren't like I was. Husband resists, says he's not really hungry, asks the 4yo if he's hungry (who says no even though in the car he was complaining about being hungry), argues mildly with me about it before finally agreeing to have lunch. Every holiday, every birthday was an event, a memorable one. !Oy Vey!! Staying in a marriage with a man who constantly makes you unhappy wont change. I stepped out of my bedroom right into my husbands chest In a brand new outfit I was going to wear to the dinner that evening, I knew i had to do something to go with the group and started telling my husband I had promised his father to go that evening. I am sorry for your husband deflating your enthusiasm. I was trying to hold his leg saying he could do as he wanted if he would just stop embarrassing us over his stinking time off. Get away and take your me time. There are many ways for your husband to ruin your vacation. He has ruined so many holiday/birthday/special days. But so what? Your email address will not be published. It was filled with dog leavings out of yards and had to be pitched in the trash. It would be best if you left him no room for doubt. Confessional #98132334. No matter where it is. All the way to his fathers I cried all we had wanted was a little consideration to the needs of others and, he said and never him, just everyone else. If you ask them about any of these things, they turn it around on you to make you seem petty or argumentative. WebIf your partner is secretly inviting others (complete strangers no less) into the exclusive realm that should be reserved between the two of you, it breaks that trust and feelings of violation usually follow. Lots of hugging and smiles of joy as the family gathers around to make memories of another holiday. My husband had been released on the second and the sheriff was made to resign with a axe over his and the counties neck in a 150 million dollar lawsuit threat. The boys, who are sitting in basket seats on the front, are having a blast. READ THE RULES. I had a go at him about not getting anything for the kids to give me..not even a card- as I think this is absolutely wrong- but he just never does! You have to communicate clearly with this kind of person, always letting him know what you want and why exactly you want it. Knowing narcissists try to ruin We discuss shared interests, not personal matters. Anything that doesnt match their vision of an ideal vacation can be an excuse to throw a tantrum, make a scene, and make your life miserable. Of course, he is an adult and should be able to control his temper. His mother refused to go even for her 5th Anniversary party. My husband is the same way. You will hear about those gifts for the rest of the relationship. Don't give in to him, please! We are bombarded by advertisements showing happy happy families. I got the entire refund of 6354 for his share of the trip. You might not be able to save this special day from being ruined, but these steps may help you feel empowered to survive it. I'm taking the Christmas lights back to Lowes, if he will ever give me the receipt, which I asked for I give up trying to celebrate anything since he always ruins it for me, anniversaries, Christmas, Thanksgiving, my birthday and the forth of July. Tonight he comes home, complains of a headache and storms off to bed. But somehow I manage not to be such a whiny bitch about it. But I push through. I'd been so looking forward to it. He said a new laptop computer. My husband was taken to a Regional mental health in response to what was termed a irrational killing rage, where he was tranquilized and put in a straight jacket and a locked bare room for the night until he cooled off. Around 2am husband stirs and sees me still up and reading, and asks if I've been to sleep yet. Happy. I refill the water bottle from a water fountain after husband drinks all of it. FUCK! I ended up feeling like I could never sit down and relax around him and he apparently thought I just had it made and his life was sooo awful. However she hasn't even met him and Make all kinds of derogatory comments about him like he's a great jobs, and a good home we bought a year ago). Until then, I'll just be over here mentally kicking your husband in the nuts. Not a bad idea tbh. My husbands reaction was swift , immediate, and deadly. They may treat them as favors to avoid paying for things for which they are responsible. Hi, this is going to sound trivial, I suppose. You must live your life your way," Tessina says. That same girl with only two years to my husbands 11 and a half years was wanting that slot so she could marry in Rome. he would start respecting his and the other people of influence in the county and what they decided he could do. It can also indicate some of his character traits that are not quite compatible with yours. His wife was a RN that drew the holiday ER duty and was not able to come either. If your partner is continually glued to their phone and you think it might be taking its toll on your relationship, these signs show that you really do have something to worry about. Holidays, however, provide the perfect cover to get a surprise hoover. The stress was telling on his mother between their oldest son not speaking and his father angry about him being so mean about working the holidays and his insult to me. Having angry reactions to feedback instead of being open to it. Did point out the "you didn't have to come" part at one point when he was been completely OTT about how "difficult" the child was being. The husbands story went viral on the AITA subreddit, getting over 15.8k upvotes. Someone that could help bring you back up? My husbands foreman and his parent company parted ways five months latter after they took him out of the foreman' s position dropping his pay and after his fiance' left him he left for any place but there. It isn't about him, it's about your kids. They are very manipulative and will use your every weakness to get their way. He has ruined two Xmas days, my daughters first bday & now Mother's Day. But then of course the reality of having two small children in a hotel room sets in: "4yo, put your pants on. I swear they do everything you just described. Such people respond well to tasks. We go to the zoo, we have fun, but there are a few instances where husband is cranky for seemingly no reason. Husband keeps ruining the holidays for me. Then you will know how to best change the usual scenario of your vacation. Due to COVID, we arent planning on any trips anywhere anytime soon, so I told him I was planning on taking a few days off this week. Since they jumped him there was only the castle doctrine applied as families cried. Hi, this is going to sound trivial, I suppose. It makes them feel important and powerful. I have had to distance myself from her before because of her behavior. So as she left I told her in a very quiet but direct way go away and locked the door.I was ready to SCREAM at her but knew that wasnt the right way to deal with her I also wasnt going to let her start a fight ..which is what she wanted me to do. It became more and more of a conflict. Sooo, I had to make my own special events. Welp, as it always happens, I woke up the morning we were to leave feeling like utter dogshit. We argue for awhile before we load up the car and leave the hotel, just like he wanted. I am so sorry. You deserve better communication. Present the vacation to your husband as a family business, a series of tasks that he must complete if he wants to save your family and marriage. Their behavior is designed to please to appease and counter to control. Let him enjoy the fact that everything is his way. I was doing that at his fathers and other influential people in the community. We got home two hours later, he does the whole contrite "I'm sorry I was an asshole, I don't know what my problem is" routine that frankly isn't effective the third time in less than 12 hours. Then he gets huffy and storms off to work. I want to know what you think about this also: Our wedding anniversary was Nov. 4. Hope you feel better soon and your husband realises what a dick he was being. Together. About ten minutes after we got home with the Christmas lights, my husband (who has a temper problem) blew up at me for no reason. When they see you happy, they may start an argument. I'm beginning to wonder if he does this on purpose, ruin every single holiday and throw me in to utter disappointment and despair! and his foreman was to scared of my husband to write him up. They may combine all or more of the items on this list to hold this over your head. Narcissists try to ruin the holiday season by holding our desire for joy and harmony over our heads so that they can get their way. It was completely unnecessary and she ruined what would have been a really enjoyable, mellow holiday.And she gave me lovely gifts..But what good are gifts if you treat the person your giving the gifts to like a dish rag?Kinda kills the enthusiasm doesnt it. And it just killed my Christmas spirit. My Husband Ruins Every Vacation: Coping Tips They spin tales about how they never got any presents when they were children, or about how their ex always ruined the holidays for them. If he won't work on or get help with his temper and start respecting your feelings, you really should think about getting out of this relationship. And traffic. This can give them a lot of power over us because we just want to keep the peace, especially if we have children with them. It's an expensive computer, money is tight, and there are a few things I really need (that's need, not want). This ones awesome. Thats why they always go to their ultimate limits of endurance, and rest is another job for them to do. WebMy husband ruins my vacation days man rant My husband cannot deal when I take a vacation day without him and its driving me nuts. Narcissists dont like it when your attention is on anything else other than them. Baby, did you poop? It sucks a lot of the joy out of the time off I take. No judgments, no nastiness. Why couldn't he just be man enough to accept he was never going to be allowed his way and just do as he was told for every ones good. It took his brother, brother in law the union steward and union chaplain as well as three tsa to stop my husband from killing his father taking him out of the airport screaming he had the right to kill us since he did not say we could cancel his vacation or had given his permission. Thankfully, if I point out to him what a shithead he's being, he can usually change it. He told me he bought something for me, and it was a big surprise. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known It turned out he had a MRSA abscess in his spine that partially crushed and severed the cord Crippling my husband I was hoping the day they medically retired him on the second of January 2010, After his spine was fused and he did not have Nerve impulse from the top of his legs down We were told he would be under antibiotic treatment for nearly the next seven months, With the harsh antibiotic came other problems like CDiff. You are a human being and deserve to have this happinesss. If they believe the holidays are foolish and irrelevant, they dont care that His union president told us that people were trying to stay as far away from him as they could after one of the men went on his job with pictures of his holidays on an International date line cruise with his wife. Don't despair, Make it a Hallmark Thanksgiving and Christmas by doing something special for yourself. Denying. I was in orange and white strips in the county jail until labor day. So its not like we had different ideas of what spouses should do for one another or anything, he was just being an ass. She hade a very active social calendar that would be ruined if she was placed on second shift she was the youngest of the two women seated at the table when to get him to withdraw his shift preference, I told him for two years he had to start being agreeable to the requests of society, and then we could start our life as a married couple. He was working the inventory on his job at 3 that afternoon when skilled trades could not get him to come to the window to issue a part that was not available in the virtual crib a tradesman climbed trough the issuing window. Talk about it. Create and Santorini, I was planning to suggest to my husband we could return and go to Egypt, Minorca, a few months after he was sent home from the rehab, and we could find a way to work out everything in the new dynamic of his situation, but we had to do it with a family consensus, I was not allowed to talk to him and instead started seeing a old boyfriend, I felt that the last thirteen years was just a divorce without edict since he hated me and his father and was not going to entertain any peace offering. I had printouts of where I had arranged to take us as the exchange of the holidays until the 24th of January starting the seventh, I was not asking about who had plans for that time I was just going to let my husband take it before someone started getting killed. Through my work I have also spoken to many other families and have discovered that there are 6 ways to suck the joy right out of family dinners: Advertisement. Yes, it is possible. We got back and went straight to his fathers safe deposit and he dragged his father out kicking him and up the sidewalk telling us he would have his property returned he slammed his father on the managers desk handing him the box key telling him he just wanted his passport returned. Well,, this year she ruined a holiday by starting an argument about something not worthy of an argument.I tried to explain .. tried to be empathetic but also honest. He had talked about buying a new computer for a couple of weeks prior, and I told him mine still worked and I didn't want or need a new one (about 8 times). You can try to bring him closer to the beauty of the places you go to, but it never excites him. In 2003 I gave his father his passport to lock in his safe deposit to stop him from the Ireland trip to keep his father happy, I left a note to please just make a list of what he would consider for the time after the new year or better yet just talk to his foreman get the time arranged for and then make the reservations just not any place cold He would get his passport back before the new year and nobody had to be beaten to a bloody pulp if he would just keep the peace about choosing something else after the new year, In that note I said there had to be a way to stop the impasse. Hi artistgardener, I'm sorry about your disappointment but don't despair. I try to ignore his tantrums and mood swings but he is pushing it, I'm actually two minutes away from telling him to shove it. I do it for my kids. 8 Common Invalidation Methods That Accidentally Destroy Relationships 1. THE FUCK. I don't get a nap, but I stop at a coffeeshop to have a large latte and bang out some work, and am feeling pretty good when he comes back to pick me up a little over an hour later. I have been telling him for days how fried I am and how tired and that I cant wait to just crash for a few days. Two years latter thinking he was going to hear our marriage was dissolved, that he was out from under the court and able to finally take a day off, He stood in the court when threatened with contempt and told everyone there he had nothing but contempt for the lot of us and walked out saying go ahead jail him he would like the rest. I hope you feel better soon! I'm picturing a candle there burning brightly. It went a bit farther on New years eve when I was a little more than drunk with the family tension at an all time high, My husband refused to talk to us when we called, The security officer told us we did not want to know what he thought of us, since he should have been in Germany. We tried to call him on his job in the plant to at least try and hear us out and make a vacation holiday after his 45th birthday. He gets a terrible attitude and tries to get me to run errands or comfort him and give him attention. She is a whiney drama queen when she is in this crappy state.When your in the midst of it..its sometimes hard to stay calm because she is pushing pushing pushing!! He said they had requested he go into the hospital for tests since the ER could not find the problem. It turned out I was the smartest one of the bunch. He stepped out of he drivers seat and took a bull whip out from under his seat and took his coat and shirt off and told the crowd to gang way they had a whipping of a uppity slave to watch. Everyone described what happened next as seeing my husband flash across the isle and grab the man by the throat holding him off the floor with one hand as his pretty foreman went and begged him to put the man down he was going to get time off for his unsafe action. We arrived at Church his father, the committeeman, the rent a foreman as my husband called him and the deacon were all laughing about how angry my husband was about that latest way of forcing him into work his father said one day that boy of his would know he was going to do exactly as he was told or never have any thing he wanted. Last night was my birthday. Any time our older son tries to talk to him, he snaps that he can't talk right now. Passive-aggressive partners are generally codependent, and like codependents, suffer from shame and low self-esteem. His father and I along with the people we invited to the Christmas we had planed as the last without my husband being involved Went and had a dinner at Denny's, I felt bad that we had to do that because my husband for 31 years had fought us tooth and nail to not have a rewarmed meal or sandwich for his holiday meals, remained angry telling us we had stolen his life, and his mother was hoping he was out of rehab soon. Narcissists, however, have no interest in true harmony. WHY. It's sitting on the dining room table. Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Dont ruin your holiday for your spouse. On the same block as the bike rental place, I spot an ice cream shop and suggest we stop there so I can get my ice cream and he can take a rest. I agree, but ask that we stop to get some ice cream at some point during the ride because my throat is on fire from coughing and sickness and I just want something that will soothe it. and his father fumed about nearly getting his head tore off by his son for slapping him. We had no Idea that things could get worse in telling us what he thought of us. The "Happy Holidays" season has just begun, make it the best you can. Just to add: You sound like a nice person, and deserve a safe place. I gave him about a months notice so he could take some time off as well. Ruining anothers joy is like a trophy for them. 1. Or we'll leave now and stop in a city on the way after I've dozed in the car and we can spend time together then. In 1987 I had to enforce my stance he had to work things out and not just do as his seniority allowed. A codependent person on vacation will want to do all things together. But I fucking swear, he bitches THE ENTIRE TIME we're riding. It is the time when happy couples renew their relationship, deepen their closeness and make beautiful memories. Unfortunately it is not like the commercials and if it is, you are truly blessed. EVER.AGAIN. Sometimes the opposite of #4 will happen when it comes to gifts. Horrible things happen in this world and some people have had some horrible things happen to them, during holidays and otherwise. nobody needed to die over time off. Fast forward to an autumn long weekend away where I volunteer to also do this solo and he decides he would like to come: Yes, dear, it is a bit drizzly. Learn how your comment data is processed. Husband bitches because I was wrong about the floor where breakfast is at first. BULL. Just say what's going on. This is the ultimate goal of why narcissists ruin holidays. Heading to the car, I remind him that I want to stop and get coffee and he makes a snotty comment in that "aggressive tone that has enough of a laugh in it that I can claim I was 'just joking'" voice. I will NEVER receive an apology..I dont expect it.not from a narcissist.I did write her a letter (not mean but honest..)telling her that I will have to keep my distance from her for a while . He has no reason to bitch, I'm the one with the squirmy baby in my lap but I don't mind, I think we're having fun. Im sure she is miserable now but guess what?. Help a BroMo out and give her an upvote, ok? Psychology Today has a handy reference to this sad situation. Its totally not his fault of coursehe earns his vacation and should take itbut it was like dancing around a starving child while eating a sandwich. I knew a mom whos family acted so helpless when she was around that she literally rented a hotel room for a vacation. He told me that he cared less about any promise to his father since I had broken hundreds if not thousands to him. So maybe you can't have the lights outside but you can buy a small potted Christmas tree that is either already decorated or you can decorate with a few strings of lights. Confessional #2498539. Jerk. However, this year, set spending limits for your vacation budget. This is because the disruptions to normal routines and expectations around these events even for other people. He can stay out for hours hanging with his boys in the freezing cold and rain, and never utter a single complaint, but heaven forbid we spend a pleasant evening taking our kid on rides and eating fair food. They turn it around on you to make you seem petty or argumentative husband bitches because I.... 5Th Anniversary party Our wedding Anniversary was Nov. 4 over 15.8k upvotes should be able to either... Left him no room for a vacation any promise to his father fumed about nearly getting way! 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